Dr. S. was yelling at me.
“You don’t understand, Laura! You’re not going to get better. If hard work could help anyone recover from a brain injury, you’d be well by now, but it’s not possible. This is your new normal.”
Truth welled up from the deepest place in my heart, and I yelled back.
“NO! You don’t understand, Dr. S! I’m not a private person; I’m a Christian. I’m here at the will and pleasure of Almighty God, and he’s the One who holds my life. He’s not the one who did this to me. He’s the One who’s helping me get through it. And if takes every day till the day I die, with his help, I’m going to get up every morning and ask: ‘Is today the day you’ll come for me? If that’s not going to happen today, will you help me?’ ”
Something changed inside of me when I said that, and then things started changing on the outside, too. The security in our lives truly doesn’t have to depend on our circumstances, our will, our resources, our abilities. We get to do life together with God…no matter what. It was about six months later when God healed me, but those six months were different because of the way I was connecting with God, in spite of my limitations.
Thank you to Majesty Rose, Dante Bowe, Kirby Kaple, and Jonathan Jay for this magnificent hymn. It so powerfully expresses the knowing that welled up in my heart that day.
You Keep On Getting Better
P.S. To my friends who think very literally: of course God doesn’t actually “get better.” He’s immutable. But our experience with him changes. Consider C.S. Lewis’ words in Prince Caspian:
“Aslan,” said Lucy, “you’re bigger.”
“That is because you are older, little one,” answered he.
“Not because you are?”
“I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”